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The English Language
Lesson
We’ll begin with a box,
and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox
becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a
goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the
plural of moose should never be meese.
 
You may find a lone mouse or a
nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is
houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is
always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural
of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my
foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a
boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set
are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth
be called beeth?
Beware of heard, a
dreadful word
That looks like beard and
sounds like bird.
If teachers taught, why didn’t
preachers praught?
And how can a slim chance
and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise
man and a wise guy are opposites?
Reasons to be grateful if you grew
up speaking English:
1) I did not
object to the object.
2) The
dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
3) He could lead
if he would get the lead out.
4) Upon
seeing the tear in the painting I shed a
tear.
5) The farmer could
produce produce.
You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a language
in which your house can
burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill
in a form by filling it out,
and in which an
alarm goes off by going on.
And that is
just the beginning
even though this is the
end.
or almost try these puns,
When fish are in schools they sometimes take
debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The professor discovered that her theory of
earthquakes
was on shaky ground.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married.
They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get
repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a
dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft
and I'll show you A-flat miner.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge
it.
Local Area Network in Australia :
The LAN down
under.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you've seen one shopping center
you've seen
a mall.
Police were called to a day care where
a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left
side was cut off?
He's all right now.
If you take a laptop computer for a run
you
could jog your memory.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts;
in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four
seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery
machine was
fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory
which was never
developed.
Those who get too big for their britches
will be
exposed in the end.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair,
she
thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
Compiled from many e-mails
Music; The Impossible Dream
By
Jack
Jones
Have a blessed
day!
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