Though I am slowly learning to trust You A Point to
Ponder.... |
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From the Mouths of Babes
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the Youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five."
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!"
Terri asked her Sunday school class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's Pontius - the Pilot.
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?" "No sir,” little Johnny replies, "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
A college drama group
presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and
announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a
rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The
play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill,
another actor who was quite overweight took his place.
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?" "Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney is on my underpants."
The winner was a four year
old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had
recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into
the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When
his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
said, Nothing, I just helped him cry." Teacher Debbie Moon's first
graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the
picture had a different color hair than the other family members. One
child suggested that he was adopted and a little girl said, "I know all
about adoptions because I was adopted."
As I was driving home from
work one day, I stopped to watch
The preacher was wired for
sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached,
Six-year old Angie and her
four-year old brother Joel were sitting
together in church. Joel
giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." Why? Who's going to stop me?"
Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
One Sunday in a Midwest city,
a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The
parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were
losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up
and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the
safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me! Pray for me!" One student's prayer: "Now I
lay me down to rest, And hope to pass tomorrow's test. If I should
die before I wake, That's one less test I have to
take." A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you
can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am!
A four-year-old girl was
learning to say the Lord's Prayer. She was reciting it all by herself
without help from her mother. She said, "And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us some e-mail. Amen." A three-year-old went with
his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly
informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How
did you know," his mother asked? "Daddy picked them up and looked
underneath," he replied. "I think he can tell by lookin' at the bottom of
their feet." Another three-year old put
his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right
foot. "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a
raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my
feet."
On the first day of school,
the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold
up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will
that help?" A mother and her young son
returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The
boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the
table. "What are you doing," his
mother asked? "The box says you can't eat
them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the
seal." A father was reading Bible
stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take
his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned
to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?" A mother was preparing
pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over
who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a
moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother
have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother
and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
A father was at the beach
with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his
hand, and led him to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to
Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God
throw him back down?" A little girl was sitting on
her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. A small boy is sent to bed by
his father. Five minutes later:
An exasperated mother, whose
son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you
expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and
said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the
door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay
out!" One summer evening during a
violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was
about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave
him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in
Daddy's room." A long silence was
broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
sissy." At Christmastime a mother
took her three-year-old daughter into the church service instead of the
nursery for the first time. The sanctuary lights were lowered, and then
the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet
until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to
you. Happy birthday to you..." Very appropriate song for the
occasion don't you think? Nine-year-old Joey was asked
by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. "Well, Mom, our teacher told
us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the
Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers
build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used
his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They
sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were
saved." "Now, Joey, is that really
what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom, but if I told
it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
It was that time during the Sunday morning service for
the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come
forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as
she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very
pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The little girl replied,
directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says
it's hell to iron." Finding one of her students
making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently
reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday
School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that I made
an ugly face, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied,
"Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned." The following statements
about the Bible were written by children and have not been altered or
corrected.
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In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got
tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. 
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history
they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. 
Samson was a strongman who let himself be led
astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 
Samson slayed the Philistines with the ax of the
Apostles. 
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they
made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 
The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. 
Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get
the ten amendments. 
